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Till I’m Horse

Had a wonderful book in the customer order department today.  A huge picture book about the history of the horse, $75, in a neat protective case.  I  frequently do the daily telephoning, texting or emailing to tell customers that their order has arrived, and I’ve had my share of strange events.  The earliest of these was How to handle your divorce, ordered by, let’s call her Mrs Jones.  The book arrives, you call the number, and Mr Jones answers.  Hallo, you say cheerfully, I have a message for Mrs Jones.  Her book… you get the picture!   Occasionally you get small children who have not yet been trained to answer the phone, and who say stuff like ‘I did poopy-plops’ while their mother heckles in the background, hands probably deep in a bowl of muffin mix.  If they were the same hands which had to clean up the poopy-plops, let’s pray it was not chocolate muffin mix.  Other times, you get someone who agrees that they are Mr Jones when you ask, then deny they ever ordered a book, and finally deny that they are who they said they were after all, and that I had a wrong number.  And on even more occasions, you get the maid.

 — Hola

Hola. No hablo español.

— Hola?

Hola. Esta la biblioteca.

— Hola??

At this point in the conversation you have to think on your feet, or else you are in danger of being handed over to the Colombian bodyguard, who is sleeping with the maid, and who will arrange a drive-by shooting of your shop if he thinks you have insulted her.  

 Saying in my best school Spanish:

Digale a la principessa de la hacienda, su libro, El Caballo, e arribato.

This prompted a loud and somewhat, well, Spanish, response.  A seemingly endless stream of invective,  which for a short but sickening moment made me think that my translation had gone horribly wrong and that I had really said Tell the whore she has a face like a horse.

It was some relief to gather from her, eventually:

— Soy la dueña de esta casa, tonto!

Work issue #1

Text of work issue #1 will go here

Work issue #2

Work issue #2 will go in here…

Test post #2 immediate reply to #1

Test post #2 immediate reply to #1

Test post #1 at 07.58

Test post #1 at 07.58

Conundrum #1

Conundrum thread will start here…